I have 2 daughters as most of you know! The insane toddler that is actually laying on top of me right now...and my beautiful teenager Megan! Just yesterday she was all over me too! Now, she is gone! Gone into the world of friends, sleepovers, and talking and texting on her phone! I never thought that this would affect me so much. I joked about how I couldn't wait for her to get older so she could take on a bigger role in here day to day life. She fixes her dinner, wakes up by herself in the morning, and goes to the movies with friends! I am happy that she is beginning to find her spot in the world and her own identity but I am lost. I miss her!
She is my firstborn. She was my whole world until number 2 came along (12 years later). She was the one that I cried with so many nights when we moved away from Tennessee. She was the one that called my family a bunch of "assholes" for laughing at her when she was 4 and she didn't sell me out when I asked her where she learned the word! She corrected me when I said "shut up!" She lunged at Chris on our wedding day when he smashed cake in my face because she thought he was hurting me. She led me out of a mall once when I had the worst panic attack of my life. She has been my rock and now she is becoming her own person!
This is another one of those evil little things you do not know when you become a mom. One day your child starts to slip away. This is when you have to try harder. Toddler age is easy compared to this! I want to pull the reigns in tighter and keep her next to me but I guess I have to start letting her go.
I know I am a decent parent. I have to start trusting that I did a good job raising her and that she will make good choices. She is a little moody but nothing horrible. She squabbles a little with us here and there but nothing major. She hangs out with her friends in the neighborhood but never breaks a curfew. She has gone over her texting minutes (over 4,000 in a month!) but she gave us some of her money to help pay it. When I try to buy her clothes she says no because she knows we are on a tight budget! I have to force the girl unless it is something she really wants. So, I think I am ok but.........
She has a boyfriend now. This is a new world that I am not ready for! I am starting to have to figure out how to have conversations that I am not ok with or ready for. I always thought I would have my sister to help me with this. She is a master of these discussions. She has already done it twice! Bu alas, I am alone in this! I am impressed with the boy she has chosen. He is sweet and very polite! The first time they "hung out together" he went to the zoo with our family. This included my parents....my dad! The man that walked every boyfriend past his shotguns. The man who does not speak alot and can level you with his stare. He handled it fabulously! Plus, it was the Friday before Easter and her brought her a stuffed duck! Again, this makes toddler issues look like nothing!
Iguess I just need some help or some inspiration right now. I could not figure out why I was so upset all the time. I realize it is a little piece of me that I feel is slipping away. I don't know the balance and I don't know how to handle this! I am proud of her. She is a good kid but I guess I need to say she is a great young woman! I know it isn't going to happen but I just want her back as a baby for one more day or one more hour. Just one more moment to hold her in my arms and let her fall asleep and have me be her entire world. It is cliche' but I swear I do not know where the time went!
To all my parents of young ones... go home and pick that baby up and don't put them down. Nap with them instead of cleaning. Let them sleep in your bed. You will treasure that memory more than a clean room!
Much Love and Good Thoughts to All Of You!!!
2 comments:
awesome post! i agree - hudson is only 15 mos and i look at him and wonder what happened to my baby who would snuggle up and let me hold him. my house is always a disaster because i spend my time playing. can't wait to talk in person in a couple weeks.
Ummmm Aunt Anne here giggle such a sweet post.. I enjoyed the kids more when they were older it made me crazy when babies and couldn't talk..You will never stop MOM-ING Never..You gave such a lovely daughter mother tribute. When mine went off to college I was really ready and when they went through a period of mouthy disrespect ready to be on their own when they knew everything I couldn't wait.. Bubba Matthew had the craziess time as an EMT and firefighter it was all too weird.. I think we would of been diffrent with a daughter though.Jeremy was always fun to watch too.. I'm spoiled by all the girls so far in the family and love photo's of them growing up here's hoping I have a granddaughter someday. Yeah you need to have Meagans boyfriend (cough) taken for a tour of the shotguns as well and then run him by me!
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